This is going to be brutally honest and perhaps a bit shocking, but I feel I should share some of my history. I talked about moving across the country in my last post and want to expand on that.
During my 20’s I went through several pretty bad relationships. I met Justin and we had a weird relationship, he was never nice to me even in the beginning. I still struggle with why I was ever with him. We had got pregnant and I had an abortion. Although he had agreed to this, after the fact he was really angry with me. He began physically abusing me, that was a scary time for me. I tried to get away from him but he always stalked me. He once broke into my car and took my steering wheel so I couldn’t go anywhere. One night he hurt me pretty bad. I was hospitalized from the wounds and trauma I suffered. He was arrested and went to jail for this, I was finally free of him.
I met Dan in 2006, he was charming and attractive and we moved in together within 3 months of knowing each other. Everyone that met him liked him, including my family. I spent 5 years of my life with this man. We had friends and went on trips but there was a dark side to him. He would get black out drunk and hit me and then not remember doing it the next day and begging for me to forgive him. He also cheated on me a lot.
The first time it happened I was broken. He begged for forgiveness and I gave it to him. It happened again and again and I always forgave him. I always had an excuse for him. He had me in this trap, I felt mentally drained all the time. I wasn’t taking care of myself and I didn’t see a way out.
He cheated on me a final time and I just said that is it and decided to move from Kingston Ontario to Calgary. I knew if I stayed he would perhaps lure me back and I couldn’t have it. A lot of my family lived in Calgary, and my brother offered me a place to stay.
What I learned from these past relationships is that I matter. I started caring about myself again. I actually stopped looking for relationships and focused on my career when I met my husband. Luke is polar opposite to anyone I’ve ever dated. He is all around good, he’s patient, loving and loyal. We’ve been together nearly 5 years now and I couldn’t be happier.
Don’t ever let your past determine your future.
The Artist's Palate 