Posted in Life

Grief among other things

My brother Chris passed last October. It was sudden and a shock to our whole family. I won’t get into what happened out of respect but it was traumatic. Having not seen him in a couple years all I felt was guilt, regret and loss. We spoke several times over the years but because we lived in different countries, it was hard to get together. I wanted to make it to his wedding and he wanted to make it to mine. But life always got in the way.

The guilt and regret I felt sent me through a bout of depression. I drank way to much and distanced myself rather than reach out to those who were going through this pain with me. We have a sibling chat on Facebook messenger which allows us to communicate as a group. It’s mostly used for quips and information sharing, nothing to serious. I know that a lot of my siblings hurt harder than me seeing as they were closer to Chris than I was but I never reached out to talk to them one on one. Why is that? What am I scared of? It would help me heal I think if I listened to them and talked about everything. I’ve made a promise to myself to do better at this. It’s still a work in progress though.

Menopause

On top of that my body starting changing. Maybe it was due to stress, I don’t know for sure but my moods were getting worse. I tried to not show it on the outside but I felt like I was dying. I found a lump on my breast and just starting getting sick all the time. I’m not one to be sick more than once a year so this was all very real and scary to me.

I went to the doctor and they couldn’t find anything wrong. The lump was treated with anti-inflammatoires and antibiotics and eventually went away. I finally got a family doctor and I told him about everything. He did some blood work and found out I’m menopausal! I had never heard of anyone this young going through menopause. I spoke with my mom and it’s apparently a thing in my family.

Stress

I’ve always had high stress, I work things up in my mind and over analyze. I think this is also partially hereditary too. My mom has always been a high stress person, so maybe I got that from her too. Sometimes it’s not a bad thing because it puts a fire under my butt when stuff needs to get done. As I get older though I think it’s directly linked to my health.

All of this being said, I am working to always do better and although I keep failing I won’t give up. The goals I have set for myself are there, I just really gotta stop doing the same old things to deal with pain, and stress etc. I need to communicate more with my family and friends. I need to stop worrying about things that aren’t a priority in my life.

I’m writing all this while away on a mini 4 day vacation. I will talk about this city and what to do here in my next post. Thanks for listening.

Posted in Life

Day 9 The plan

Luke and I had a cheat day on the weekend, bad idea because we both had reactions to the things we ate.  I’m pretty sure I react to mushrooms.  We are back on track now and although I gained weight due to the cheat, I’m down again this morning.

This week the introductory foods are bread, a new protein and new vegetable. We are gonna try tomatoes because we both love them but apparently they are very reactionary to many people.  As for the protein I think we will try beef or fish, haven’t decided yet. Salmon although full of nutrients is apparently very reactionary to many people, as are eggs.  The beauty of this testing system is things that you may think are good for you (and they are for many people) May react differently in your body.

Salmon for instance, some people will react to salmon being cooked but not in the form of sashimi.  When you cook protein it changes the molecules which can do different things to the digestive system.  Same as eggs, you may be fine with an over easy egg but react to it being boiled. It’s all quite interesting.

My goal this week is to drop another 4 pounds so I’ll keep going through the program (no cheats) and post again this weekend.  Happy hump day everyone.

Tested pork for dinner
Tested zucchini
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Posted in Life

Last year in my 30’s

I turned 39 on the 28th. Age has never really bothered me before, but the whole week leading up to my birthday I became very aware that I would be older. I went through a small bout of depression thinking about when I was 20, I had all these plans of what I would achieve before 40. I have achieved some of these goals but not all of them. Maybe that is unrealistic, but nevertheless it all kind of hit me like a bag of bricks. I am lucky because my husband and sisters helped me get over my funk with silly antic-dotes and jokes. They helped me stop overthinking and just be OK with getting older! It is not a bad thing! This next decade will be pretty exciting I decided.

I was off work for my birthday, which is not something that happens often when you work in retail. The depression had passed and I woke up feeling thankful and happy. I snuggled on the couch with the pups and watched a movie first thing, and then took them on a nice long walk. It was pretty crisp out but the sun was shinning so I didn’t mind the cold. Our winters here in Kelowna are probably some of the mildest in the country, there is cloud cover which keeps it warm but then we don’t see a ton of sun.

After our walk I decided to practice for the upcoming Art Battle. This event is awesome, they travel to cities all over the world to host them. I am one of 12 artists who are competing for a final spot. We all paint for 20 minutes, and when the time is up, hands up and walk away allowing for the crowd to determine who goes to the next round. There are three rounds of this. So, I wanted to see what I could do in 20 minutes, here are the results.

That evening Luke and I went to the Waterfront Cafe and had a lovely meal with a great bottle of Brezeme 2014. After dinner we went next door to this French bistro to have an aperitif. They have this amazing cognac that you can’t buy anywhere but Quebec or France. If you ever have a chance to have a sip of this , it’ll blow you away.

So that sums up my 39th birthday. Here’s to another year….my last year in my 30’s!